A little background...

I've suffered from depression ever since I was 13 years old. When it started, I was obsessed with death and romanticized suicide. I had visions of hanging myself from this one tree in my backyard. On Halloween at the age of 14, I took a knife to my wrist. Nothing happened, as I was just playing with knives. I wanted to see how difficult it would be to cut myself. I was far too weak to do any harm to myself at that point. Some might argue that I was not weak, but strong.

Over the years, I have confused the many mental health practitioners that treated me. I've had about a dozen different diagnoses. I find it rather amusing and it makes me question the 'science of psychiatry.' They all agreed that I had depression though. Quite frankly, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out! I made it very obvious.

The latest DSM-IV diagnosis of mine is Schizoaffective Disorder of the depressed type. I have never heard voices. I feel blessed that I have not suffered from voices. Schizoaffective disorder, by the way, is a combination of schizophrenia and depression.

I take a few psychiatric medications and see two therapists as well as a psychiatrist. My therapists are Dr. K and Jeanne. I can't decide between the two, so I figured I'd keep both of them. My insurance pays for both of them because one is a clinical psychologist and the other is a social worker.

I am in a serious relationship and we are trying to get couples housing. He also has mental illness. I live in supported housing at the moment with two housemates. They are smokers and I don't smoke. Most supported housing options around here have smoking tenants. If I had decided to wait until a non-smoking house became available, I would probably still be waiting.

I come from a dysfunctional family, and I'll leave it at that. I don't think that is at all uncommon nowadays.

I have struggled with my weight for many years now. Psych meds can screw up your appetite and metabolism. My appetite is much smaller nowadays, though for some reason lately I have been getting sugar cravings after dinner. I have tried a commerical dieting program and succeeded on that once. Then my meds got increased and I put back on some of the pounds. Damn meds.

I like to write poetry and paint. Bob Ross is my artistic inspiration. My poetry stems from my mental health issues and my relationships.