the holidays

So, I got through Christmas. I didn't think it would be that much of a challenge, but when it came to seeing my aunt, it was. My mother's sister is very loud, says you know after everything she says and waits for a response to that, and tries to get me involved in everything she does. I tried to avoid the you know questions and getting involved in what she was doing, but it took me pretending to sleep in my parents' room with the lights out to be free. That was actually my mom's suggestion- she saw that my aunt was getting on my nerves. My mom can have some smart ideas once in a while. I am grateful that my mother raised me and not my aunt. If my aunt raised me, I'd have OCD and I'd be a nervous wreck most of the time. I'd probably have my schizoaffective disorder as well. Not that I don't have anxiety from my mom having raised me. And I do have some perfectionism issues. I hate to say it, but it was a good thing my aunt did not have kids.

Over the weekend, I made the mistake of seeing the movie Seven Pounds. I am not going to spoil it for anyone, but I must warn anyone that is going to see it that it is very depressing. In fact it was the most depressing movie I have seen in my entire life. Movies I have found to be depressing/sad in the past include E.T., the Titanic, Forrest Gump, and Girl Interrupted. I am sure there are more that I am not remembering. The latter two had me crying. I saw Titanic in day program so I don't think I fully got into it enough to cry. Girl Interrupted hit me on a personal level, perhaps those without mental illness would not find it as sad as I did.

New Year's should be fun. I am going to drive to Montauk lighthouse with my boyfriend very early in the morning but the purpose it to get to watch the first sunrise of the year from an excellent location. I have to check the weather to make sure my boyfriend and I can see the sunrise and it's not too cloudy. My housemates are going to be gone, which is another cool thing. It is a rare occurrence that I have the house to myself.

I have a lot of laundry to do. I was sick right before Christmas and did not do any. I got some clothes for Christmas that held me over...but it is time.

Psyched for Christmas

Today I totally wiped out my bank account in exchanging a digital photo frame I had bought for my parents for a better quality one. My sister is gong to give me money toward it when she can. In the meantime, the only thing I'll be spending money on is gas. I am very content with what I did, because I beat the Christmas rush and got a really nice present for my parents.

I found out my Christmas present that I am going to get from my sister this year. It's a Virgin Mobile prepaid cell phone called the Wild Card. It's worth about $80. My sister had bought it for herself when her regular cell phone stopped working, then she ended up getting a replacement for the one that broke. So she has no need for it now, and I could use a new prepaid cell phone. I have a model from 2004 that they don't even sell anymore. Sometimes it shuts off by itself (I think it's due to it's age). It will be nice to have a new prepaid cell phone.

I can't wait for Christmas. It is my favorite time of the year. It was always a 'happy day' for me growing up. My mom would be extra nice on Christmas and there would be a lot of food. My mom is going to put up her tree this year on the day after Thanksgiving. I don't think I'll be setting up my fiber optic tree though. My housemate has a son that comes over and manages to break a lot of things and I don't want to have to worry about my tree being messed with. My sister and I are going to try and convince my dad to let us open our presents on Christmas Eve because on Christmas day, my dad has to work in the morning and by the time he gets home, my aunt will be at the house. My aunt hates Christmas. Last year was the first year we opened our presents in front of my aunt. I'd like to avoid that scenario this year if possible.

I spoke with Jeanne on the phone today and I told her about how I might try and get the civil service keyboarding job in the future. I would go for full-time. So she said when the time comes, we'd have to work something out in terms of scheduling our appointments. I don't know, if I can do phone sessions then that is likely, but I don't think it will be too feasible to visit her in her office when that time comes. I obviously don't have the job yet, I don't even have my grade so it is way too early to be thinking about that. Dr. K is practically around the corner from me, so I think it would be easier to have visits with him. Working full-time is probably going to be overwhelming for me, especially at first. I haven't worked full-time in about 8 years.