Job Issues/Support

I had an upsetting phone conversation with my aunt this morning. It was about my internship. I am thinking of looking for a competitive job while I am at this internship. I finally found out some ideas about where the internship wants to place me. They were thinking of placing me somewhere with senior citizens doing arts and crafts. I just don't think that that will lead me in the path I want to go in. I've decided that I want to stick with clerical work. I am going to re-take the keyboard specialist exam in December. In the meantime, I want to work on my resume and go to the one-stop employment center and take classes on Microsoft Excel (it's been ten years since I've used it) and Access (which I've never used). My aunt doesn't think I should do this and she upset me because she was saying that this internship was my only chance in a roundabout way. I love my aunt very much, but like my relationship with my mom, I have to keep boundaries and be careful of what I discuss with her. I was in tears by the middle of the phone call and then I told her another call was coming in because she would not stop her 'lecture'. Sigh.

I understand everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but that does not mean it is ok to bash someone's confidence into a million pieces. I am looking for support when I talk to my boyfriend, friends, and family. Sometimes my family is not my strongest support system. Speaking of support systems, my therapist Sally has been on vacation again. I haven't seen her in almost three weeks. I really could use therapy now, and I am hoping that when I do go back to her, it will be effective. The last two sessions I had with her ended early because they lacked direction and I didn't know what to say. I want to establish direction and purpose to my therapy; I'd like to work on some issues instead of just talking about daily life. I have plenty of issues to talk about, just have to wait until October 1st.

I am excited to purchase tickets to the Michael Jackson 'This Is It' movie on Sunday. I have to call my local movie theater and make sure they will have them there.

Car accident

It has been a long time since I last posted. Things are going well with my internship, I am getting to work on time without a problem. Waking up in the morning isn't really that big of a task- I used to have a lot more trouble getting up early. I had a car accident recently though- one that I feel completely stupid about. I hit a curb in the parking lot before going to work and I hit it with such force that my airbags deployed. My car is drive-able, but I just won't have airbags from now on. Accidents happen. It just makes me question going to my internship, all the wear and tear on my car. I also got a call from the cat shelter and they would like me to come in to help with socialization. It would be something to do if I didn't have the internship and I would have time to look for a more local job. I don't know. I just don't think it would be possible for me to be going to the internship three days a week, therapy another day, and then the cat shelter. All of those trips are about 45 min away from my house.

I am meeting with my job coach tomorrow (after my internship) and most likely will talk to her about this.

I found out that when my boyfriend and I get called for couples housing, we will most likely be able to have a two bedroom apartment. That is pretty good news.

My friend is looking for her own apartment now. She has poor credit; hopefully she will be able to find a place. I would be very upset if she moved to Florida with her mother.

A good first day and a bad dream...

My first day at the internship (on the job!) went well. I got there an hour early and sat in my car in the shade until a few minutes before I had to be there. People were fairly friendly there. The day treatment clients were even more friendly. I didn't even use a full quarter of a tank of gas there and back, which is pretty good considering I have a 6 cylinder engine. We were mainly filling out career inventory paperwork. One of the tasks was to write about three of your accomplishments (or overcome obstacles) and to discuss how you went about them and the outcome. That was probably the most difficult part of the day, aside from merging onto the busy highway.

Tonight I have to move my alarm clock across the room. I had a lot of trouble waking up this morning and I didn't even have to go to the internship today. I am going to bed early tonight and hopefully will have an easier time getting up tomorrow. Yesterday, I woke up before my alarm even went off.

I had a bad dream last night, well two of them, but I will mention the first one. It was another disturbing dream, like I am being haunted by my grandparents. This time in my dream, I saw my grandmother and told her how happy I was to see her and then she started crying. Then I told her I loved her 'so much.' It was a vision of her before her Alzheimer's took over her brain. Following my last words to her, I woke up. I think I might have had this dream because I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her before her Alzheimer's and dementia stole her from me and my family. I am no expert dream analyst- it is just a thought. Even though I may no longer be crying on the outside, I am weeping from within.

A start of a new chapter...

Tomorrow I start my internship. I am just relaxing and getting ready tonight. I have to wake up early tomorrow; I am going to leave myself about an hour extra for the commute. I don't know how the traffic is, so I want to be on the safe side. I am hoping this internship will open up some possibilities as well as give me the confidence to work again.

I found out my boyfriend might not be moving back home at the end of the month. He was going to leave the student rental house and go back about an hour away from me. It is not definite, but it is a nice thought that he might not be so far away. We had a nice weekend together, cooked a couple of different meals. I bought two cookbooks on sale at Borders the other night and there are lots of dishes that look/sound good in them.

We are still waiting for couples housing to call us.

Got it!

I received a phone call this afternoon from the internship that I applied and interviewed for many months ago. They told me that I was accepted. I start Monday August 10th. This is exciting and scary for me at the same time. There is a chance that I will have to drive people around after the training, and most likely it would be in areas I am not familiar with. My internship is in an area I am not familiar with at all. This scares me a bit.

I figure I could try the internship out, give it a chance. I will lose my foodstamps, but if I someday get a job opportunity from this, it would have been worth it.

I enjoyed my family vacation and my birthday as well. I can't believe I am 32 now.

Family Vacation

This weekend I am going to be on a family vacation. My mom, dad, sister and I will be going upstate NY. It's our first family vacation in 9 years. We went in August of 2000 and it was mostly fighting. My sister seems to think it will be fighting this time, but I know I am in a different place than I was in '00. My parents are picking me up at 6 am (yikes!) on Saturday. I have a lot of my stuff together for the trip, but will do my final packing tomorrow.

My birthday is next week, I'll be 32 years old. I got my b-day present early- a digital camera. There is a lot to learn with using it, and most of what I need to learn is on my computer. It came with a very basic user guide and then a more detailed one on the cd. I've printed out a few pages of some of the key features I'll be using. I've hardly ever taken pictures throughout my life so far, so it will probably take some getting used to.

Recent post

I deleted my most recent post. I feel like sometimes when I write this blog, my mind takes a negative turn. I don't want to do that anymore.

I will write more when I am in a better frame of mind.