Happy Halloween!

I am fortunate that I did not have to sit downstairs in the smoky air to hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters. I normally enjoy giving out the candy and seeing all the little kids in their cute costumes. I never plan on having any children of my own, for several reasons. First and foremost are the stress/money factors, then there is the fact that I am on seven different medications and I'd probably have to go off of the majority of them if I were to get pregnant, finally I don't want to pass on my mental illness to the future generation. It is torture to be schizophrenic in many ways and I don't want to put someone through the suffering that I have experienced.

I was not able to attend the job forum on Tuesday- my car refused to start that morning. I have to get it checked out, my Dad wants to witness the problems I am experiencing before setting up an appointment. Hopefully I will get the chance to do so soon (he works three jobs so it will be difficult). I am very fortunate because it sounds like he is going to pay for the repair. I probably will not be able to afford it. He inspires me to join the workforce- not just because I happen to feel guilty that he pays for my car repairs, but also because he believes in me and he is supportive of my attempts at education/employment. I just spoke with him tonight on the phone about a possible job opportunity and he seemed pretty positive about it. He probably has more confidence in me than I have in myself to be quite honest. I know I have spoken negatively of him earlier in this blog, but there is definitely a positive side to my relationship with him.

I have made a few educational attempts post undergrad work and they didn't pan out, but I faced many obstacles such as living in a group home/community residence and of course the mental illness relapses before and after such residence. I tried a semester of grad school while living in the CR. Probably something that has not been attempted too often. My group home just so happened to be located down the road from a graduate school I was interested in attending. I had decided that I wanted to work in the library science field, possibly doing some sort of archival work. So I applied and was accepted into the Masters of Library Science program. I signed up for three evening courses and took the bus to school and then walked home. There was some sort of conflict with the timing of the termination of class and the bus schedule. I ended up feeling extremely overwhelmed and dropped two of the three classes. I felt bad because I felt like I was letting my father down. I just could not deal with the pressure of school along with the issues of my living situation. I finished the one remaining class with an A but did not return for any other semesters. I knew I couldn't really complete the program taking only one class at a time and the loans I had to take out were way too much for someone on disability.

I found out from my boyfriend's attendance at the job forum that there is a transitional employment program that offers part-time paid internships, resume prep, interviewing skills, networking and on-line job searches for people with psychiatric disabilities. I am waiting for some more info on it, but I have hope that this could be a good thing for me.