Caffeine, anyone?

I've been feeling pretty crappy, so I decided to have some caffeine. Unfortunately, I had a bit too much. Starbucks is dangerous!! I had a grande coffee and then a tall coffee. I suppose I could have had stronger drinks then that, but believe me, I am suffering the consequences. It is because of my caffeine intake that I am writing this blog right now.

Right now I could use a sleep aid...but I am sure eventually the caffeine will wear off naturally. I was talking with my boyfriend for like four hours straight tonight. We were supposed to play Scrabble (my very favorite board game) , but kind of got lost in conversation. With me, that doesn't happen everyday. I love conversation, except when my mood swings toward the floor. He tried to pick me up (figuratively speaking) but I was kinda far gone already. Luckily one of us is having success at sleeping. It certainly isn't me.

I suppose I should find something other to write about than my insomnia tonight (or shall I say this morning)? Have I mentioned that I am upset about losing my best therapist? I am supposed to see her tomorrow. It will be tough for a number of reasons. One is that I am sad, so I might cry. Another is that I might not feel like talking because I know that our therapy will be ending shortly. I have a plan though, and that is to find a great new therapist. This means, dropping Dr. K like a penny in a water fountain. I can only wish for a smooth transition into my new 'chapter' of therapy. Hopefully I will find one that doesn't fall asleep during our session--Dr. K could probably use some coffee. I have a number of leads, to my amazement. My boyfriend, using his expert 'pre-case manager' skills, found 17 possibilities. My odds are better than I had thought.

I hope my sister comes around one of these days. I am worried about her, even though my mother tells me that she is okay. I am worried about the guys that she is hanging out with and/or dating. She will never read this blog, and neither will my parents. None of my family knows about this blog and I intend to keep it that way. This blog is solely for the purpose of venting/sharing my experiences of a life with mental illness. I would not be able to vent if I knew one of them was reading this blog.

My sister is very attractive, but has a bit of a low self-esteem. I really want her to be happy. I don't have a good feeling about these people she's been 'seeing' lately, but if they make her happy, then I should try and give them the benefit of the doubt. My parents are concerned, and my mom asks me to 'have a talk' with my sister often. I suppose being the big sister, I may have some influence. I am usually always there for her; whenever something is wrong she usually calls me up and visits. She hasn't been confiding in me lately; our communication is practically non-existent. I go over my parents house and she doesn't say a word to me. If I say hi, she'll say hi, but nothing else. She hasn't responded to my text messages, and she has free unlimited text messaging. It's a bit disconcerting, but at least I know she's okay through my mom.