More Than a Woman

So I went to the NAMI peer-to-peer support group last night and the turn-out was all male, except for myself. There was the leader, two guys, and myself. So I felt kind of like an outsider. I was the last to get to speak and when I did speak, I got interrupted. Both times I spoke, someone else took over my turn. I felt snubbed and almost ignored. The leader did not really structure our session and let one person do most of the talking. I was kinda hoping there'd be females there that I could be friends with. I could really use some more female friends in my life. When I said I had schizoaffective disorder, I mentioned that there are no groups around here for people with my diagnosis. There are mainly groups for people with mood disorders (e.g. bipolar) and for people with OCD. Except of course for the group last night, which is open to people of all diagnoses. I am going to give the group another chance though, maybe there will be different people the next time I go. That's what I am hoping anyway.

Valentine's Day was great. We celebrated it the day before by going out to dinner. We figured the restaurant would be less crowded the day before.

I am somewhat interested in the keyboarding job that I tested for, but my heart is really hoping for the social services internship that starts in the Spring. I am going to call the internship's agency and try to get an estimate of when exactly that might start. I have a degree in Psychology, I want to help people and use my degree. In college, I said to a friend that if I could help at least one person, make some sort of difference in their life, then I would feel like I served some sort of purpose. I have personal experience with mental illness and I know a lot about 'the system.' I almost became an assistant case manager last Spring, I turned it down though because of the high gas prices. It was kind of far from my house and it was all five days of the week. Had it been three days, I might have taken it because that would not have been as much commuting. I passed the two interviews for it with flying colors, and that gave me a bit of confidence since I hadn't interviewed in a long time and been considered for a position. I feel like I could run a NAMI group like the one I went to last night. Maybe someday I will be able to do something like that. It's good to have ambition, now I just have to get past my nerves. I haven't worked for more than a three month span in eight years, as I've been on disability and haven't really been trying to work. If I work part-time, I can most likely keep my disability. Anyway, I am hoping that the internship will get me back on my feet enough to do something that I would like.