So I visited my mother this weekend. I kick myself for going there, after almost every visit. The reason I go as frequently as I do is because I just want to get out of my house and away from my housemates. I also don't have to worry about what I am going to eat when I am at my parents' house. And not to forget, I like to visit my two cats. I just get so frustrated at their house, especially on the day I am supposed to go home. My mother has a unique way of making me feel like absolute crap. When she got home from work today (today was the day for me to go home), she wanted me to immediately move my car so I would not 'get in the way' of their car lineup this afternoon- since I'd be leaving soon. So I decided to not move my car then, but to immediately pack up my stuff and leave. That I believe is what she wanted. She didn't want me to hang around until dinnertime because then there would be the burden of having to include me in the dinner plans. That's right, I am a burden.
Besides that, my sister is home yet she does not say one word to me. She is too busy getting ready to go out, like she does every single night. Except she's hanging out with her boyfriend, or her friend, but never me. We used to be really good friends. I don't particularly care for this boyfriend, but I am biased. It's that she spends every single day of the week with him, so I never get to see her anymore. She might as well be living with him, but she's not. At least when she was seeing her last boyfriend, I got to see her sometimes on the weekend.
I might as well just go to sleep now. Everyone is busy, I have no money to spend really, and the price of gas has jumped by about 40 cents per gallon so I should conserve my driving trips. Overall suckiness. Tomorrow will be better, so at least I can look forward to tomorrow. For now, I shall sleep.
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3 comments:
Hello,
I’ve been reading your blog since you started it about a month ago, and I am very taken with your story. I certainly do not want to interfere with your freedom to present your narrative, primarily for yourself, so if comments are unwelcome, please indicate this, and I will say no more. I would like to present to you what I have gotten from your writings, but I will not say anymore without your permission.
I am quite moved by your story and your bravery. Bob
Bob,
Comments are definitely welcome! I think I had it on the setting that only blogspot members could comment and I am going to look into opening it to everyone. I am glad that my blog is being followed.
Hi,
I wasn't concerned about my inability to comment but hesitated from the standpoint of whether you felt it appropriate. Your writing is so deeply personal and intense, and I was not certain as to whether you were essentially writing for yourself to help clarify your thoughts and "get it out there" or if this was also directed to the public.
To me, a great deal of the power and strength of your narrative is your measured and honest approach to what you have to say. I certainly can’t speak to your needs and drives, but reacting from the vantage point of a distant (and unknown) reader, I can tell you that your words have created a powerful and poignant tale, and the difficulties and uncertainties you face have helped this reader feel an understanding and an empathy.
Two years ago, I started a blog about accessing creativity for writers, poets and visual artists. For several reasons, it has been temporarily suspended, but perhaps it might have some things to say to you. You mentioned in one essay that you once had felt that you were creative and artistic, but that was no longer the case – very possibly due to reactions to some of your medicines. I am no therapist, nor do I have medical training, but perhaps there still may be some ways that you might be able to tap into some of what you feel is now lost to you. If you are interested, glance over my essays – I’d suggest that you start from the beginning – and if you feel that there may be possibilities there, drop me a line. If you wish, you can e-mail me directly: bobsouvorin@mindspring.com
In any case, I certainly wish you and your boyfriend well, and I will continue to follow your journey. Best wishes, Bob
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